Next Sunday, when you are sitting in the Sanctuary, take a minute to notice the women around you. One out of three of these women may now be or may have been a victim of domestic violence, for it occurs in all ethnic, religious, educational, and socioeconomic settings, including the Presbyterian church.
Domestic violence includes physical assault with or without a weapon, sexual assault, psychological assault (threats, humiliation, isolation), and economic coercion (withholding money). It is behavior perpetrated by someone who intends to maintain control over another person in an intimate relationship. Most abuse is recurrent and escalating in violence. And most is perpetrated against women, like the ones sitting near you.
You may look at this woman and wonder why she would stay in an abusive relationship. Some women fear for their safety if they leave, some are too ashamed to discuss the problem, some feel they deserve to be abused, and some need their partner for money or affection. But the woman in your pew may stay in an abusive relationship because of her interpretation of Scripture. She may feel that to be a good Christian she should submit to her husband and turn the other cheek. She may feel it is a Christian virtue to suffer and to forgive.
As a community of faith, what is our responsibility to this woman? Psalm 57:1 says, "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in You my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of Your wings, I will take refuge, until the destroying storms pass by."
We need to be her refuge. We need to ask her about the bruises and the recurrent accidents and why she seems to be so sad. We need to let her know there is a community of people worried about her safety, a community of people who can help her. We need to be that community. A community that believes that someone who loves you should NOT hurt you; that it is NOT a Christian virtue to die at the hands of someone you love; that the abuse is NOT her fault; that as a Christian she deserves better. We need to let her know we are ready to hear her story. She may be waiting for someone to listen to her. She may be sitting next to you.
If you or someone you love is involved in an abusive relationship, please contact one of the pastors or Parish Nursing through the church office, 297-7201.